Cleaning down there: what nobody tells dads

I grew up with two brothers. Even our dog was a boy. Everything I knew about girls came from one health class and a lot of confident guessing.

Then my daughter was born, my wife went back to work, and I had four months of parental leave. Just me and the baby. I was crushing it. Bottles, naps, diapers, the whole operation.

Somewhere around nine months, I noticed some white stuff during a diaper change. Down there. In the folds.

I’m a guy from a house of guys. When something looks dirty, you clean it. So I got to work: warm water, soap, every nook and cranny. I detailed that baby like a truck I was trying to sell. And the white stuff kept coming back, so I kept escalating. I was out-cleaning a problem that didn’t need cleaning.

Years later, at a dinner with friends, I told this story because I thought it was charming. Dad on leave, figuring it out. My wife put her fork down. “You used soap? Down there? That’s why she had a yeast infection.” And my daughter, who I didn’t know was listening, looked up and said: “Dad gave me a yeast infection?”

That’s one of the reasons Men With Babies exists. Nobody hands dads this stuff. So here it is, the version I wish I’d had.

Girls: the short version

• Plain warm water is all you need at diaper changes. A soft cloth or a fragrance-free wipe. No soap in the folds.
• Wipe front to back, every time. Back to front can carry poop bacteria toward where she pees, which is how bladder infections start.
• Clean the outside only. Don’t open her up and scrub inside. That area mostly takes care of itself.
• After a poop, check the folds and gently wipe out anything stuck there, front to back. Gently is the key word.
• Pat dry instead of rubbing, and give her a few minutes of diaper-free air when you can.
• At bath time, wash that area last so soapy water from her hair and body isn’t sitting on it. A quick rinse with clean water is enough.

About the white stuff

• In newborn girls, a little white or even slightly pink discharge in the first weeks is normal. It’s mom’s hormones working their way out.
• In older babies, white bits in the folds are usually just skin cells and natural oils. They don’t all need to come out, and scrubbing at them makes things worse.
• Soap strips that skin and irritates it. Irritated skin sitting in a warm, damp diaper is exactly where yeast likes to grow. That’s how my daughter ended up with a yeast infection.

Boys: the short version

• Not circumcised: don’t pull the foreskin back. In babies it’s still attached, and forcing it can hurt him and cause damage. It loosens on its own, often by age 5 and sometimes not until the teen years. Until then, wash the outside like any other body part.
• Circumcised: follow your doctor’s healing instructions for the first week or two. Usually that means keeping it clean and a dab of petroleum jelly so it doesn’t stick to the diaper.
• Point it down when you close the diaper. Ask me how I know.
• Same rule as girls for the rest: warm water, gentle wiping, pat dry.

Call the doctor if

• Discharge turns yellow or green, smells bad, or keeps going past the first few weeks of life
• There’s redness, swelling or a rash that doesn’t clear up in a couple of days with regular changes and air time
• Bright red, spotty rash with little red dots around the edges (that’s often yeast, and it needs a cream)
• Peeing seems to hurt, or for boys, the stream dribbles or the foreskin balloons out when he pees
• Your gut says something is off. Pediatricians would rather see ten fine babies than miss one.

Dad tip: When in doubt, use less. Warm water, front to back, pat dry. You almost can’t go wrong with that. You can definitely go wrong with a bar of soap.

This is general information from one dad who learned the hard way, not medical advice. Your pediatrician or public health nurse knows your kid. Ask them anything; they’ve heard it all.